I write these lines as it is up to date again since 4 weeks: Social Media is just a glimpse of a moment. You can’t see me struggling on these pictures, but I was. In that moment I just gathered all my strength that was left, and reaching Iran by foot was a big goal that gave me some extra-power to make it. Even tho I wasn’t able to make the last stage (40 km) to Iran completely by foot it was important to me, to walk at least before and after the border for a while (had to hitchhike a few kilometers due to my health issues back there).
Right before & just after these pictures I spent days sleeping & shaking in bed. Just able to move a bit bc of medication.
These pictures were made at one of the most amazing but also toughest time I went through – i’ve reached Iran by foot but also had been sick since weeks, and still was. Fever, chills, heat waves & diarrhea. My liver inflammation was highly acute as I know now (FYI: I had Hepatitis E and 10 gallstones at the same time). I wasn’t able to walk more than 5 km from one day to the other – a few weeks before i was walking ~30 km a day. I was desperate, as no doctor was able to tell me what I had. And I saw a lot of them during that time. Had 3 or 4 injections in my butt and endless medications to take.
It took 6 months more until I knew what I had.
6 months of being weak, tired, unsecure with my movement, months of not being myself. When you want to be active but just can’t, having short windows where it is possible & then crash hard again, makes you doubting. I wasn’t able to trust my own body anymore. I wasn’t able to see the warnings. I mean how? I never had Hepatitis before. And being surrounded by ppl who barely knew me made it even harder for me. It made me feel like I am hard to be liked or loved.
5 years later my health is still affected by that. My liver is getting acute inflammed round about every 6 – 12 months since then. And my body is already weak & tired weeks before.
Since my surgery bc of that, I have 3 scars on my belly. 3 months of recovery where I wasn’t allowed to move more than short walks in the garden. & the first thing I remember saying about my body was: These scars make you less attractive.
Fuck off! Stop being superficial. Appreciate & celebrate your health. What your body is doing for you – but also appreciate other bodies & humans. You don’t know what they are currently going through or why they are how they are.
And don’t worry about nonsense stuff – it isn’t worth it.